Battling My Mind

Ugh. Three weeks to go before the marathon and I should be feeling excited but I'm not. I feel nervous and stressed and about every 5 minutes my mind is telling me that I can't do it. That I'm going to fail. That I'm going to come soooo close but not make it. That I don't have what it takes to meet my goal. That I set the bar too high and I can't reach it.

I don't doubt that I have the physical strength to succeed, my legs are strong, my lungs are strong, my core is stronger, my arms are stronger. When I picture myself not succeeding, it's always my mind giving up and telling my body to hold back. I hold back and then finish and say I could have done it, I should have pushed myself, I have gas left in the tank.

And I don't want that. I want the ending where I spot the finish line and the clock reads 3:34 and I know that I can hustle in (I can see the clock, I  must be so close!) and make my goal. I finish strong and I make my goal! Then I feel happy and proud and elated and I can say I did it! I am strong! I qualified for Boston!  Matt and the kids will find me and be so happy for me and I will ride that high for a long time. That's the ending I want, that's how I want this journey to end. NOT with frustration and what if? why didn't I? if only....

I need to snap out of this. I don't know why my mind is sabotaging all my hard work, why I'm letting my brain torture me like this but I'm not going to give in to it. I'm going to push negative thoughts out when they come in and to stay positive. Instead of thinking I will fail, I think I WILL SUCCEED.  I am a Boston Qualifier. I am strong. I am prepared for success.

From  my reading and talking to coaches I've learned that anxiety and stress about times and goals actually work against you in the race because they waste your energy. I need to trust my training, I put in the miles, I did the workouts and I prepared my body. The marathon is my chance to show the results of all that hard work. I am lucky that I get the chance to run in Rio de Janeiro, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I need to relax and enjoy the run.

Tomorrow I run 20 miles, my last big long run before the marathon. Coach Christine said to treat it like a dress rehearsal so I'm wearing the clothes I plan to wear and eating and drinking what I plan to eat and drink. I need to get my mind in the calm, happy place that I want it to be in when I stand on that starting line. I want to feel that confidence that I can achieve my dreams. Then the next three weeks is the taper when I don't run as many miles so my body can recover and prepare to run the marathon. I plan to use that time to train my mind with only positive thoughts. To repeat over and over:
I am strong. 
I am tough. 
I am a fast runner.
I am a Boston Qualifier. 
I run a 3:35 marathon. 
I've got the magic in me. 
I empty the tank. 
I dream it, I believe it, I achieve it. 
I relax my face to run my pace.